~ freedom to soar ~
These past couple of weeks have been hard and that's an improvement. The months, weeks, days, hours, seconds even, used to be bone crushing, soul sucking difficult. Improvements come in small, incremental steps; sometimes two forward and one back or even three forward and two back. But they come and God's grace is evident even when I
can't see it or, especially, when I can't feel it. For all the unkind comments there have been many more kind comments and I am grateful.
When you are struggling, do you go back and read the kind comments people have made to you? I do. It helps me keep perspective; it also helps me keep perspective to remember God's past blessings in my life. Have you heard the saying, "I want to be the kind of person my dogs thinks I am"? I want to be the person my dogs believe me to be: the loving, kind, treat giving human Mom and not the shrill, screaming, crying, out of control person they, sometimes, see.
Yes, I'm nattering on again about being a widow (shudder, gasp, scream, cry, sad, pathetic word) and soldiering on alone. There are about three people who can stand to see me at my worst; the rest are uncomfortable, uneasy, disheartened and can't wait to scurry away, hang up the phone or hit the delete button.
Daddy tells a story of a neighbor when Daddy was growing up. This man was a practicing Christian with four sons who were reprobates. They cared nothing for God, Christ, salvation, church nor anyone having anything to do with same. The Christian gentleman was on his deathbed and, as was the custom in those days, his sons were called to his side. He wanted to speak God's grace into their lives but, as usual, they turned a deaf ear yet stayed in the room. As the gentleman's earthly time came to an end, he began to be in torment. He began shouting, screaming, begging, pleading and crying out to God for mercy. With his last breaths he beseeched God for rest from the pain, physical, mental and emotional and then he died in agony.
His sons were stunned! Their Dad had been a Christian all of their lives and if anyone should have an easy death, carried into heaven on angel's wings, it should have been their Dad. An unease settled in the room and on each son as they considered what they'd just witnessed and before their Dad was buried, each one accepted Christ as Lord and Savior. To a man they said, "If Dad had that hard a death and he was a Christian, there was no hope for us outside of Christ."
To be laid bare is to know the One who loves me and carries me through the seconds, then the minutes and the hours, the days, weeks, months, years. At my best, I am barely lovable and at my worst, mine own disowns me.
Dear God, I believe; help me believe.
Linking with Lisa-Jo, 5 Minute Friday: Bare.
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." ~ Albert Einstein ~
Today's Miracles ~ rain ~ transparency ~ courage ~ angels ~ God's mercy ~ Christ's salvation ~ forgiveness ~