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Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Dog and Cat Dairies

someone sent me the following which I've changed, just a little...

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY 

~ Sam P. Spade, Secret Agent and Sophie Butterball Lauren ~
Day number 180

~ Sadie Lovebug Hawkins ~
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 

OH BOY! KILLING A GROUND HOG! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! 
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 


Day number 181 

OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

OH BOY! FINDING THE DEAD GROUND HOG! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182 

OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
ooooooo. bath. bummer.
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE
~ Levi Lily, my owner ~
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture...I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. (OH PLEASE NO!) In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this On their bed.
P. S. Actually, weaving around my feet worked Very Well! I took a tumble but no bones broken, thank God! and no thanks to the felines...grrrrrr!
~ barn kittens ~
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Blessings ~ my little family ~ 

20 comments:

Lottie said...

Ha! Ha! Sandra, this made me laugh this morning. The picture of the kittens are adorable!

Vicki W said...

So funny and so true!

Tombstone Livestock said...

So funny and so true, thanks for morning laugh, have a good day and watch out for weaving cats, falling down hurts.

Monkeywrangler said...

LOL! Too funny!

Agenda for the day: Let dog out. Let dog in. Let dog out. Let dog in. Let dog out. Let dog in.

M.K. said...

Ahhh - that was hysterical, Sandra!! LOVED all of it :) Thanks for the grins and giggles!

Sparky said...

ROFLOL!! Oh my goodness I needed a belly jiggler like that. It's been a rough day and about to get rougher. Thanks Sandra.
(PS: Having to put my favorite doggie down tonight. I feel sadder than sad at the moment.)

kathyinozarks said...

Hi what a fun post to read-lol and I loved loved those kitties in the photo-too sweet Kathy

Marsha Splenderosa said...

OK, now you know why I LOVE dogs!

Nancy Claeys said...

{{snort}} Cats and dogs could not be any more different than men and women! Loved this Sandra.

dori said...

Lovely cat!!!

Pom Pom said...

Yikes! I hope you're okay after the cat-induced tumble!

Hartwood Roses said...

I love this every time I read it. We joke all the time that our Alice is trying to kill me, as she crossed my path no fewer than twice every time she catches me going up the stairs ... then she does it again as I walk into our bedroom.

The barn kitten photo is precious!

Jill Cooper said...

Too funny Sandra! And so typical of both dogs and cats and the way we figure they would think!

Cathy Kennedy said...

LOL I've gotten this before via email and it's not only fun, but so true. Thanks for sharing the laughs with us. BTW, be sure to come by my blog to enter my Diamond Candles giveaway that went live yesterday. Just click on the link: here!

Cathy Kennedy said...

LOL I've gotten this before via email and it's not only fun, but so true. Thanks for sharing the laughs with us. BTW, be sure to come by my blog to enter my Diamond Candles giveaway that went live yesterday. Just click on the link: here!

Deb W said...

I didn't know you are a Susan Branch fan too! I just read your comment on her latest blog post. I am loving reading A Fine Romance!

Deanna said...

Thinking about you,
d

debbie bailey said...

Hilarious! Although on my bike rides, the dog is the one who weaves in front of my bike and is sure to make me crash someday.

magsmcc said...

Excellent! If my children wrote diaries I think they'd look pretty much the same as these!

Kim said...

This is hysterical! Love it. I've always suspected that is what is on a cat's mind.

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