It's a Good Day to Die

~ blizzard conditions ~

Patrice is hosting Chats on the Farmhouse Porch, number 127; her questions, my answers.

1. Have you been watching the Olympics? No, haven't a clue what's going on in the world but I can tell you what's happening here and in more detail than you, probably, want.

2. Does the grey winter affect your moods? Some but I spend a lot of time outside, no matter the weather, so I'm not as affected as someone who works inside. Also, when I knit, sew or spin I'm either in the sun room with natural light or using OTT lamps. If you're not familiar with OTT lamps, you should be, they make all the difference in your ability to see, no matter the time of year.

3. When was the last time you held a baby? Recently although I have no clue who the baby was nor her parents. If I see a baby in the grocery store and start making goo-goo eyes and the parents don't freak out, I ask if I might pray for their baby. No one has ever turned me down so I take the baby and pray God's blessings on the baby and the parents. Young folks seem to, especially, appreciate the prayer and, yes, other folks stand around and gawk but so what? If they're Christians, they should be joining in prayer and if they aren't Christians, maybe it'll make them think...eternity is a lot closer than any of us know or expect.

4. Do you do a thorough spring cleaning each year? I'm going to this year because the house/farm is going on the market. I'm hoping to hire some help and if you're a praying person, pray I'll find someone to help me do major cleaning.

~  deep ice at the barn door ~

5. Please tell Wendell a bedtime story. ...Once upon a time, there was a farm where there were only three seasons...hot, cold and mud. All the animals lived to be tremendously old and were given only the best hay and mountain water to drink with treats of grain and molasses. There was a unicorn flying over the farm and no animal was ever turned away or denied food, water or shelter. The sheep were rare breed Shetlands from the Shetland Isles, some Romney's from the Romney Marshes of England, one Columbia Suffolk cross who was an Easter lamb and then unwanted and two Merino's who were bottle fed as babies and were absolute terrors! The four alpacas were beautiful, but aloof, creatures who walked proudly among the sheep, heads held high and they always chose the best places to sleep at night. The horses were rare breed, American Curly horses who were gaited, colored and, for the most part related to each other in planned breedings. Tumbleweed, the black mare with white stockings, was a rescue but the rest were all related by either dam or sire. There were dogs, house cats and barn cats and, unfortunately, a skunk and o'possum who lived under the house and a squirrel who lived in the tree. It was a Peaceful Kingdom where there was always time for nose kisses, head rubs, body hugs and, most importantly, love. (Except in the case of the skunk, 'possum and squirrel, they were encouraged, to no avail, to move.)

~ the husband, Sam and Sadie ~

As with all of life, the only constant is change and vast changes came to the farm. The husband died, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving his wife to manage as best she could. For the first year plus, she managed (although she was at a loss as to exactly how she managed!) and farm life ebbed and flowed with the seasons. She tried her hand at raising steers, or neutered bulls, but decided having ten "teenage boys" who weighed one thousand pounds each was an accident waiting to happen. The steers left, the fences were repaired and, again, farm life ebbed and flowed.

~ left, Abigail and young Sam ~

The second summer after the husband died, their beloved Jack Russell, Abigail, who had very ancient bones, just couldn't manage. She was tired and it was time to say good-bye. Just a few weeks later, their beloved Australian Shepherd mix, Grace, who was even older than Abigail, died. For months, things were settled and then, just before Christmas, the woman's other beloved Jack Russell, Sophie, died so now the woman had only Sadie and Sam, three five year old pups.

~ Gracie ~

~ Sophie, Sam, Sadie ~

That winter was hard; it was cold, extremely cold with temperatures twenty degrees below zero and wind chills much lower. Snows were deep, followed by icy rain and more snow, making everything treacherous and dangerous. The woman's sheep were old and had a lot of problems that come with old age.

~ Harry Shetland ~

Harry Shetland was blind and lived in the barn with access to a small lot were he could drink warm water from an electric water bucket and lay in the sun to warm his old bones. Twice a day, the woman would carry Harry and Sophie cracked corn and grain with fresh hay. Sophie Shetland was just as old and her arthritic bones, many days, prevented her from getting to her feet. Carly Shetland, at twenty years the oldest of them all, was allowed to live in the yard where she toddled, eating her molasses and grain mixed with pain meds, drinking warm water and eating alfalfa hay the woman brought to her twice a day.

February was a hard month, full of deep snows, extreme cold, high wind and low temperatures. Harry and Sophie were suffering and the decision was made to release them. The woman and her vet explained to Sophie and Harry, this was their last gift. They had both had wonderful lives, much better lives than a lot of parents give their children (how terribly sad!) and they were to look for Dave when next they opened their eyes. On that same Friday evening, the vet looked at some barn cats and told the woman, "Start bringing them to the office, we'll begin spaying and neutering next week."

That weekend was terrible; the temperatures were horrid, the wind was horrid, the snow and ice made walking difficult and, sometimes, almost impossible. On Saturday, the woman carried (!) Carly into the house and put her in the mud room where she thought Carly would be more comfortable. Carly didn't like being inside so the woman carried (!) her back outside but Carly needed help all weekend, getting to her feet. Even so, her little tail would wag with excitement when the woman would run to her, calling, "Carly, hold on, Girl, I'm coming, I'll help you."

~ home ~

On Monday, it was almost warm, at least, not as tremendously cold as it had been and, at dawn, wonder of wonders, Carly was standing on her feet, calling for breakfast. The woman ran to get Carly's breakfast and pain meds and put them in front of her and Carly's tail began wagging as she started to eat.

When the woman went to the barn Tabby, one of her cats, was crying so the woman picked her up only to see where something had chewed on Tabby with grim results. The woman ran hurried to the house, got a towel and carrier and took them back to the barn. She gently placed Tabby in the carrier and then into the truck; as soon as the vet clinic opened, she took Tabby and left him but later the vet called and said it was too late, Tabby couldn't be saved. The woman buys a lot of cat food in the winter in order to keep the barn cats close to the barn. When the snow is deep, there are a lot of predators (coyotes, foxes) looking for food and during the night, coyotes can be heard all over the valley.  There's no way of knowing what tried to kill Tabby but what is known Tabby had a wonderful life on the farm.

Late Monday afternoon, the rain started and Carly was having trouble staying on her feet. Her fleece would get waterlogged and her poor little arthritic legs couldn't hold her weight so she'd fall over. The woman kept running into the yard, righting Carly but then dark came and it was harder on the woman. She leaned Carly against the porch and left her covered in prayer. At dawn Tuesday morning, the woman ran to see Carly and had to help her to her feet but in the space of thirty minutes, the woman had to right Carly half dozen times and the hard decision was made.

~ Carly Shetland ~

It's a good day to die and tomorrow would be better; even so, the woman chose to do the right thing by her beloved little ewe and made the hard decision. The woman drove the Ranger from the barn to the yard and lifted Carly into the bed which was no mean feat because Carly weighed 65 pounds. The woman then drove the Ranger to the barn lot and struggled to put Carly into the bed of the truck which was horribly difficult. The thick ice underfoot made a hard job dangerous and only a lot of crying and praying got it accomplished. The woman put the dogs in the house and drove to the vet clinic, second time this week and it's only Tuesday.

~ Carly, covered in snow and ice ~

The woman held Carly, both to say good-bye and to prevent her thrashing around. Part of the woman's prayer was, "Good-bye old girl, you've been such a joy and delight to me for so many years. Run to Dave, as soon as you open your eyes, run to Dave, he's waiting on all of us."

~ the woman, Abigail, Sadie and Sam ~

The woman returned home, took Sam and Sadie for a walk and then they all went inside the house. The woman took two aspirin and laid down in the sun room where the sun was warming both room and bones alike. She thought how her life had changed, so dramatically, so suddenly over the past twenty-seven months and wondered what the future would bring. She dozed, drifting in and out of sleep, letting the sun warm her bones and the aspirin diminish her pain. When she awoke, she took the dogs to the barn, gave the kitten her meds and food, locked the front gate and then walked back to the house where she fed the dogs then filled the tub full of hot water and Epsom salts. When the tub was half full, she lowered herself into it and sunk again into a half stupor, waiting for the hot water and salts to work their magic.

Today was a good day to die but tomorrow would be better...much better.

Blessings ~ the husband ~ the animals ~ the life ~

no good, very bad, terrible, horrible day

~ Sam and Sadie ~

We had 18 inches of snow and 6 more expected tonight. Going to the barn has been a chore and I should get hazardous duty pay. Drifts were between 3 and 4 feet deep and the dogs, especially Sam, needed me to break a path so he could go down the driveway. Even getting out of the yard was tough; the snow was pushed against the gate so deeply, it was all I could do to force it open.

~ paca nation covered with snow ~

Nancy over at A Rural Journal, hosts Random 5 Friday. Usually it comes and goes and three days later I remember. What can I tell you? Memory is not only a terrible servant; it mostly doesn't even show. Last night, I visited Lynn at Irish Garden House and her post was today's Random 5 Friday. Why yes, it did confuse me just about totally; then again, it doesn't take all that much to confuse me, but Lynn did make me laugh and that's always a good thing.

~ I love my farm! ~

Nancy says share 5 random thoughts but seeing how I want some cheese, I thought I'd just whine.

1. Ten minutes ago, a big whomp noise came from the wood stove. In order to check it, I opened the vent before opening the door so no sparks would fly into the room. This I did and as soon as I opened the door, a Very Large Whomp AND a ball of fire came straight at me. I was far enough away it only singed my hair burnt my hair, eye brows and eyelashes on the left side. It still got my attention and I guess I won't be wasting money on mascara any time soon. Do eyelashes grow back at my age?

~ Harry Shetland ~

2. Two hours ago, the vet came and we put down two old sheep. Harry Shetland has been blind for months and kept contained in a small lot where he had shelter (barn), water (electric bucket) and I carried food to him twice a day. Sophie Shetland, Carly's sister, is just as ancient but hasn't aged as well as Carly and had been living with Harry for a couple of months. She'd turned into a little bird sparrow and was wasting away and had gotten cast, several times, and worn her fleece to the skin in her vain attempts to get to her feet. I was visiting the barn several times a day in order to lift her and she weighed, maybe, 35 pounds. I don't mind taking care of them, it's my job as a good steward, and I despise killing them but, even more, I hate letting them die by inches. It was time to say good-bye and it's my last gift to them to pay Dr. Anne to do it mercifully. She gave them massive doses of "go to sleep forever meds" and they slipped away peacefully. A few years ago, when Dr. Anne came back to Tazewell to practice vet meds, I told her mother, "Anne is a good vet but I believe she's got the makings of a great vet." Anne is now a lot closer to great than good and it's a privilege to know her.

3. Six hours ago, while driving the Ranger it slid down a bank and landed against a fence. Bless God that fence was there because it kept me from flipping and going over the hill. Even so, the Ranger was good and stuck and not even 4-wheel drive helped. Heck, I was in 4-wheel drive when it happened! Using the Toyota truck, I hooked a chain to both truck and Ranger and tried to pull the Ranger out of that predicament. Didn't work and I tore the yard plumb up! If Dave was alive, he'd have my guts for garters but I'm just happy I didn't get hurt. The dang yard can be fixed a lot easier and cheaper than me. It took God and me about 30 minutes to get the truck unstuck and back on even ground. For a while there I was a tad frightened and told God, "This is the last attempt because I'm frightened. I do not want to go over the hill so this is the last time I'm asking for help." Bless Him, the truck got on an even track...after I got on my hands and knees and shoveled snow from in front of all four tires...and we headed to the barn. At the barn, I used that same chain to hook to the truck and to the barn door so I could get the door open. It was snowed frozen shut and that's where the tractor is kept. After getting the door opened, I loaded the tractor with hay then drove up to the yard to pull the Ranger out of the fence and park it on a level spot. Before putting the tractor away, I fed the horses, sheep and alpacas then came to the house, got the Ranger and put it away, after locking the front gate.

~ without the Ranger, I couldn't manager nearly as well! ~

4. Nine hours ago, I went to town to get gasoline for the Ranger. It was almost out and I need that Ranger to help with farm chores. The first 10 miles of the trip, I drove 20 miles an hour in 4-wheel drive; yes, it was that icy and snowy on the roads. Under the wire, I also had 2 ham biscuits at Hardees; love that Marie, she makes very fine biscuits!

5.  Fourteen hours ago, I woke up and decided to get started on my day. Little did I know (thank You, God for small mercies) what kind of day it would prove to be. The good great news is...beasts and human are safe from exertion. The dogs will receive aspirin (if I can get them to wake up) and I'm taking an 800 mg. Ibuprofen along with an adult beverage. I don't know if I deserve it or not but I sure know I want it and my tired old bones say go for the gusto pain relief. So I'm gonna.

In conclusion (finally!, someone says), it really wasn't a no good, very bad, terrible, horrible day. It was physically demanding, emotionally exhausting and fraught with dangers, toils and snares (love that old hymn!). God kept me safe, He gave me strength, the ability to figure out how to do what needed to be done and I'm headed to bed pleased that I was able to do the work He set before me. And, do it safely; bless His name forever!

Blessings ~ safety ~ long well lived life for Sophie and Harry ~ gasoline for the Ranger and Ranger unstuck and tucked into barn ~ truck put away safe and sound ~ I still have a lot of hair as well as eye lashes and an eyebrow on the right side ~ life is good ~

Thank You, God, it's Friday!

~ x marks the spot ~

oops. forgot to say, my contribution to Vicki's Grow Your Blog party is here and there are two giveaways.

One reason I don't blog very often is due to exhaustion. After doing the physical labor necessary to keep us all going on a daily basis, at night, all I want to do is collapse and wait for dark so I can go to bed. 

 Yesterday morning the temp was 18 degrees below zero F; during the night it was much colder and the trough water was frozen...again.

 The crowbar and pitchfork are the tools needed for this job...the crowbar to break the ice 

and the pitchfork to lift out the larger pieces. The smaller pieces get left behind, I've learned the hard way gloves tend to freeze immediately in such low temps when they get wet. Then, gloves freeze to iron and metal as do fingers and that hurts. Best not to happen. 

Twice a day, I carry water and food to Blind Harry Shetland and put it under his nose. He and Sophie have joined Carly in receiving arthritis meds and Harry and Sophie are doing lots better. Sophie is able to get to her feet on her own, her appetite has improved and she's feeling much better. Great news for both Sophie and my back.

 The smaller water trough, the one that's fitted to the sheep has been frozen solid for more than a week. They've been able to drink from the overflow but I wanted them to have a larger water supply.

This ice is eight or ten inches thick and, even using a crow bar, was enormously difficult to chip away at even a corner. Today, I did the best I could and walked away; it's better than they had. If you're wondering if welding the crowbar against eight inches of ice rings my bells, the answer is yes, it rings my bells and everything else.

When smoke rise straight up, it's a good sign and means we're in for a bit of better weather. No storms expected until Sunday and, perhaps, God willing, that storm will pass us by. 

Today I received terribly news; my Mom called to say her best friend's son killed himself. That family has had more than their share of tragedy; in the last three years, their Mother, Father and youngest son are now gone. Our families were connected for generations and in a variety of ways; their sons and my siblings and I grew up together, played together and shared family holidays. Doug's wife passed away a year after Dave died and he battled depression every day; he could never overcome nor accept her death. He was totally bereft. 

The March after Dave died, I contemplated taking my life. Everything was totally overwhelming, I felt so adrift and couldn't begin to dream of continuing life without him. The only reason it didn't happen was God whispered in my ear, "But Sandra, if you do kill yourself, you'll miss all the blessings I have in store for you." I almost couldn't believe it... blessings for me, life could go on, I could live again? It's taken some time, Dave died in 11/11 and each day has been a struggle but one I'm beginning to win, with God's help. 

The reason I'm telling you this is, look around you. You know someone who would love to receive a note, who needs a kind word, a helping hand, an invitation to lunch, supper or even for a coffee. Someone needs you and if you're a Christian and you're ignoring their need, you're rebelling against God; remember, obedience is better than sacrifice.

On a recent Sabbath Keeping, I quoted Soren Kierkegaard, "The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly." 

ouch.

Yes, it's far easier to talk about being a Christian than actually be a Christian but, as you are able, make those phone calls, send those notes, take someone to a meal or coffee. Be a friend because one day, hopefully not too soon, you're going to need a friend.

Blessings ~ Kierkegaard ~ Friday ~ the strength to do the work God allows me to have ~ after a good night's sleep...rejuvenation ~ God ~