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I am Sandra - faithful steward. listener. shepherd. dream believer. hard worker. collects brass bells, boots. Jesus follower. contented. star gazer. homemaker. farmer. prayer warrior. country woman. reader. traveler. writer. homebody. living life large.

Thursday, November 05, 2015

On My Refrigerator...

Under the little boy it reads, "Clothes make the man but the HAT makes the cowboy!" The big boy is Dave; we were at a birthday party and there was a poster the children could put their face in and have photos taken. It amused Dave to do the same; now it amuses me. Daily.

"I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing eyes -
I wonder if it weighs like Mine -
Or has an Easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long -
Or did it just begin -
I could not tell the date of mine -
It feels so old a pain -

I wonder if it hurts to live -
And if they have to try -
And whether - could they choose between -
It would not be - to die-

I note that some - gone patient long -
At length, renew their smile -
An imitation of a light
That has so little oil -

I can't really say it gets easier but I can say it isn't as painful as it was four years ago today. The other thing I know for sure is people get tired of listening which is one reason I keep writing.

Blessings ~ Dave ~


  1. Sandra, I can't imagine the grief you are experiencing. I'm thinking of you. xo ♥

  2. I'm with you, Sandra! <3

  3. I won't get tired of "listening" -even if it is by written word. There is not time frame on grief and it is different for every person. I think there is a lot more than just loving someone connected with grief- I think work and quiet times and shared laughs all figure into the grief that is assigned us.
    Hang in there, my dear friend. xo Diana

  4. I agree with what NanaDiana said, " not a time frame on grief". I read your posts about this and say a prayer for you.

  5. Dear Sandra ~ You are so right about it NOT getting easier, but it is less painful. I try to stay away from those sad days of 'back then' and focus on my love being with our great and awesome God.

    May you feel God's love, peace and the healing balm of His strength today.

    Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady

    P.S. I also have noticed that people don't want to listen when we talk about our grief of losing our husbands. It hasn't happened to them and their life is still 'cruising' along nicely and completely. We just shouldn't bring it up anymore. ~ Writing helps me too.

  6. I would keep that poster with Dave's face in view too . . .
    It makes you smile and remember . . . and isn't that right and wonderful . . .
    To remember joy, smiles, love . . .
    Thinking of you today with love and caring . . .

  7. People who truly care don't get tired of listening. So never hesitate to share your feelings. When I read that you are down, I pray for you. So if I don't know . . . then I can't pray. Keep being real and keep being honest. Prayers for you today my good friend! Prayers for God to send the Comforter to fill you with joy today and every day.

  8. My dear friend lost her hubby about 5 months ago, and she is so hurt by the inattention of people she had considered her friends. I hope you have someone who will listen and share your pain.

  9. 4 years, I'm glad it isn't as painful now, that initial pain can kill a person if it lasts forever, this is a great button to have on your fridge. Hugs

  10. I'm glad you're writing, and I don't think that as a friend I would get tired of hearing about your grief. It's part of you and will always be, but perhaps in different ways. That doesn't mean there isn't laughter and joy too. 4 years must seem sometimes like a lifetime and sometimes like just yesterday. Keep writing ...and we will keep us the prayers. I bet it is beautiful there...

  11. Sandra, I could never be tired of listening to you. You are an inspiration and filled with wisdom. I love the frig pic of Dave. So glad it gives you a smile each day. 4 years is no time at all and grief has no time frame. We all face it in our own way. God holds Dave's hand and takes yours in the other. You all walk together and one day long from now, you will be together again. We need you here to keep writing and I for one will keep listening.
    Love to you dear friend. cm

  12. God bless you, dear lady!
    Love the pics on the fridge.

  13. Hugs and all good thoughts to you. xx

  14. never tired of listening, friend....

  15. Yes, grieve in your own way, dear. I find that most people want to talk about their own problems, so I listen. It will be two years since my husband joined the Lord, on November 19. I've often felt guilty that I don't grieve like some other people, but I've always felt such joy for him, being with God, never to suffer the evil of this world again. I grieve more for my kids who have to go through the hardships of this world. I'm working on trusting God for every situation they're walking through. We're all different. :)

  16. A hard anniversary. I'm glad at least that the pain seems to be less, even though the loss never goes away. Love to you.

  17. Sandra, I talked to a woman this week on the phone, a customer, and she is 80, lost her husband 3 years ago. I felt her stress when she tried to explain how she'd never had to handle these decisions about house repairs before because he always handled it. I talked to her about you and how you even wrote a book trying to help people cope with this, how it's something overwhelming. She began to cry and kept saying, "It is. It is so hard."

    The older I get, the more I understand what my mother went through when we lost my father.

  18. "...People get tired of listening which is one reason I keep writing." Ah! Well-put, Sandra.

  19. Like all the others above, we do not get tired of listening to you.. grief is such a terribly raw emotion and it takes how long it takes, not got a time label on it... so share and write and keep us in touch, we are very honoured to have you share our thoughts with you by posting on this blog... all the best, J


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