Lost in the Wonder

~ two days ago ~

We've had a few days of wild weather here lately; from 60+ degree days to single digit wind chills, six inches of snow and now high winds of 50 mph and lashing rain. If you don't like the weather, just wait a bit and something else will be along...shortly!

Days are taken up with trying to establish new schedules, run errands and a tiny bit of pillow embroidery handwork in the mornings when I listen to Youssef and Begg. Remember the saying, "man plans, God laughs"? It's true. Just about the time I think we're getting a handle on our "new normal", everything changes and it's time to re-adjust...again. I've never been a person who has said, "I'm bored" but, I'm telling you, there's not enough time now to be bored if I'd ever been that person. Who can waste time on boredom when life is running, in a general away direction, at full tilt boogie? Certainly not me, probably not you either.

Blog visitation has been slim lately but, as I'm able to grab a few moments, I'm trying to visit y'all. I miss seeing what's going on in your lives and checking your names on my prayer list is good for y'all but I need some "you" time on my plate. -smile-

Dave has lost a lot a tremendous an egregious amount of weight but, praise God, Dave improves each day, just a tad, and we'll take it.  He needs a fair amount of tender loving care and I try to provide that; early in the day I'm actually quite good at TLC. Toward the evening, I'm not so good at the TLC as my old bones are calling for my bed and, too often, I'm over eager to stuff Dave into his bed so I can collapse into mine.

Abbie, my heartbeat Jack Russell, has had a stroke and she needs to be carried up and down stairs. She still has a brave heart but she walks at a slight angle to the right, carrying her beautiful, grizzled head tilted and, at times, walking in a circle to the right. Abbie knows she's unable to climb or go down the stairs and will wait for me to pick her up and carry her and I'm glad to help.

Everyone else appears to be doing well and that's a blessing and a gift. I've no response to folks when they say "why?" because I don't know. How can any of us know what we don't know? There's something about living it, going through it, heart in the hand of God, that brings true meaning to whatever it happens to be. No matter if it's laundry, taking vital signs, cooking a meal, enticing Dave to eat, talking to doctors...time has become more focused, has a clarity that is truer than all the sermons I've ever heard, all the meals I've ever eaten, all the wine I've every drunk. Time becomes such a gift that, too often, I find myself lost in the wonder and miss the now. Such times, when I'm lost in the wonder, I see through a veil of tears and am all clenched up inside, holding everything too tightly so I have to remember to breath. Great, gulping deep breaths that make me dizzy when the oxygen hits my brain and reminds me I'm still among the living and am needed here. Yet, it's not for the here any of us are being prepared. One day, each of us will step out of time and into eternity; I'm trying to be ready. Please God, let me be ready.

In wandering around blogland, I arrive at Eline Pellinkhof and am transfixed at the beauty. It's all white and pink which are, I find myself admitting, two of my least liked colors yet her blog is full of inspirational and beautiful photographs of this amazingly talented woman. From photo to photo, I wander but, in spite of myself, perhaps because of myself, I can't find purchase. I can't find a spot to settle down and let my soul be soothed and it's definitely through no fault of her own. No indeedy! The fault is mine and mine alone. I'm more drawn to this. This speaks to my soul and the cold stones bring me warm comfort in their sturdiness. The fact they have been around since God made them, being used and re-used in different forms by humankind but, essentially, just as they were when He began time. Can you tell I like sturdy? I like fortitude, stamina, courage; things that are true and enduring.

Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience, has written a book, One Thousand Gifts and it's been speaking to me, deeply. Others as well have found, and are finding, this a beautiful, if gritty, gift. It's not a book to be read quickly, but rather slowly, engaging the soul and allowing God to speak to the heart as the book is being read and pondered. It's one thing to talk about being grace filled, it's one thing to call oneself a Christian...I prefer the term 'practicing Christian' -smile-...but to get dirty with the kneeling then un-lashing of the sandals and washing of the feet, of others, that's quite a different tale, even when those others are ones we love; let's just not consider the nasty, dirty, encrusted with life goo feet of someone else.

There's a book club and the first chapter is here; let me know your thoughts, please.

~ a calf suckles ~

A portion of the Christian world is embracing Lent just now. I grew up in a religion that doesn't observe Lent, nor most of the Christian symbology having to do with robes, incense and priests. I think our not observing Lent had to do, mostly, with how Daddy thinks of New Year's Resolutions...if you're living right the rest of the year, you don't have to make New Year's Resolutions.

Lent is supposed to be a season of soul searching and repentance but isn't that why we wake every morning? Isn't each day a season, albeit smaller, of "soul searching and repentance"? I understand Lent but I'm not called, yet, if ever, to practice. But, knowing me as well as I know me, if I were to observe Lent, I'd be tempted to forget the daily. I just can't do that; it's best for me to live the daily, feet to the pavement, knees to the floor or I chance losing myself in my own reflection and missing the reflection of Christ. Sacred whispers of holy words are needed daily so my feet keep, are forged even, to the path narrow.

 ~ today ~

Errands and chores are waiting, time is slipping and the to-do list grows at an alarming rate. My prayer for you today is peace. May God grant you peace.

Blessings ~ snow ~ rain ~ One Thousand Gifts ~ calves ~ grace ~ Ann ~ peace ~

Soli Deo Gloria,
Sandra