~ sunrise at Thistle Cove Farm ~
My period of Grace was this month, this May. Sort of. Most of May has
been spent enjoying the farm, the animals; re-arranging portions of the
house, doing farm chores and, simply, living. Blogging has taken a back seat
for no particular reason other than my brain needed a rest. A time of Grace. This
time of grace has been needed from the awfulness of Dave’s death and that same grace
has been so healing and so restorative. March was such a struggle to stay
alive, to keep my feet on the straight and narrow path, to keep breathing
because the animals needed me. Dear God, it would have been SO much easier to
stop but You, Bless Your name forever, didn’t let me. Thank You, God.
I think.
April is a fog; trying to pretend life was normal; not a new normal just some kind of normal. I remembered to eat…mostly; I remembered to shower…mostly. I remembered a lot, all the time.
April is a fog; trying to pretend life was normal; not a new normal just some kind of normal. I remembered to eat…mostly; I remembered to shower…mostly. I remembered a lot, all the time.
Some have written to say, “don’t you think it’s time to
move on?” Well, what do you think I’ve been doing on a daily basis? Same as you
all, I’m moving on except in my own way, in my own time. I’m moving on without
Dave and it stinks. I hate it, I rebel against it. I despise and loath it yet I.
am. moving. on. Mostly, the best way I know how…prayer, Bible reading and
getting out of bed every day, putting one foot in front of the other every day.
What’s your purpose in life? What is it you want people to
say about you? What legacy do you want to leave behind? How are you
establishing it all? What do you do and when do you do it to establish your
purpose, your legacy? Questions I’m struggling with, daily, and still haven’t
any answer. Being a Christian doesn’t mean answers are easier nor are they
readily apparent, but it means, to me at least, the questions are all that
more difficult, life all that more real and eternity always ahead. Smoking or
non-smoking? -smile-
Some friends struggle with auto-immune illnesses and some friends
struggle with more than one such disease. Other friends have cancer, depression or other illnesses and that always means a greater struggle. People are hurting –
their health, finances, relationships and the weight of being daily is almost
overwhelming. It’s a burden, heavy to carry, sometimes impossible to comprehend
and I am, constantly, throwing it all up to God because He tells me He is able...and I believe and trust Him.
How do you handle life? Where do you get your comfort, your
peace, your grace for the journey? To whom, or what, do you turn?
My daily five chapters of Bible reading are in Ezekiel and I
find myself wading through, up to my ears in, “Dear Lord, will those Israelites
EVER learn?” Then, the small whisper comes to me…”Dear Sandra, will you?”
Lord, I’m struggling to learn, to understand what it is you
want me to do, what it is you want of me. Right now, I can only suss out you
want me to do what I’m doing…read my Bible every day, pray…dear God, the sheer
NEED!..do my chores, keep the house clean, help my small community. Live,
Daily. Keep my focus on Christ and not on the news; the awfulness of what the
media keeps cramming down our throats. The November election.
Are you familiar with Ann Kiemel? She’s written many books
and one, I Said Yes To God, changed my religion into relationship. Before that
book I was happy in my ignorant bliss of skipping through life. Yet, if I knew
then what I know now, I would still change my religion into relationship. It’s
made that much of a difference to me and in my life. Yes, it’s been worth it
all and one day I'll see Jesus. It, all of it, has been worth it all.
One last word...people tell me, "you're so strong, you'll get through this." Psssst...it's not true. I am not strong; not in the least. I am so weak and have cried and wept more since Dave died than in my entire life! The secret is...God is strong. God is able. God cares and He carries me, sustains me, delivers me, keeps my fears at bay, gives me wisdom, loves me even when I'm most unlovable. God gives me grace for the journey and that is what makes the journey bearable. That and knowing...one day I'll see Jesus.
One last word...people tell me, "you're so strong, you'll get through this." Psssst...it's not true. I am not strong; not in the least. I am so weak and have cried and wept more since Dave died than in my entire life! The secret is...God is strong. God is able. God cares and He carries me, sustains me, delivers me, keeps my fears at bay, gives me wisdom, loves me even when I'm most unlovable. God gives me grace for the journey and that is what makes the journey bearable. That and knowing...one day I'll see Jesus.
Blessings ~ Ann Kiemel ~ friends ~ life ~ animals ~ Ezekiel ~ chores ~ grace ~