~ Sadie, looking forward ~There's a new magazine and blog called FOLK, Live Authentic and says it's "the story of modern, authentic American life. We bring a fresh, youthful perspective to today's American culture while preserving the past through sharing the American story, and the story of those living authentic lives." It says a lot more and, while losing me at the "fresh, youthful" part, I'm picked up at the "preserving the past" and "living authentic lives" part. From what I've read, I'm at least old enough to be everyone's Mother if not their Gran and that's fine with me. At least I'm still alive to give a nudge to the yunginn's every now and agin. -smile-
If you go to the Journaling Agenda page, there's a weekly blog writing prompt and, as long as I remember, I'm joining in. The first week of this new year is "write a letter to you" so here's mine:
It's been a year! A year of leaving, learning, growing, standing still, tears, laughter, sorrow, joy, sadness, happiness, big decisions, big risks, a year of holding on and letting go, a year of God and His enormous grace, mercy and love poured out upon you. You, in your ignorance, would have changed Dave's death into life so you could have his protection and provision still. God, in His infinite wisdom, chose otherwise and it has been His protection and provision that has overshadowed you these past long months.
While Dave lived, one of God's last gifts to you was leading Dave to Christ. On Monday morning, Dave asked, "How do I get right with God?" and you spoke of God's gift, His Son Christ, and what that meant for all eternity. Dave made his peace with God and on Saturday morning went Home. Dave asked for two things: to die at home and not to die in the agony of the last stages of cancer. He'd taken care of Cathy, his first wife, in her last stages of cancer and he knew what lay ahead. He told you he wanted to spare you both even though you assured him you wanted him no matter what. In His infinite mercy, God gave Dave his last desires. Dave died of a massive heart attack and he died at home. Those first months you spent in shock. Oh, you did all those things that needed doing and did some of them correctly but made mistakes as well. You listened to others say, "don't you think it's time you got over it? It's been a few months." or "you're a prickly personality" or "you need to get on with life". Yes, and them cozy in bed at night, snugged against their husband!
You gave yourself a year to grieve, a year to focus on the grief and the loss, the aloneness, the knowledge that you were now your own provider and protector...at least, with skin on smile... . That year was given up to tears and the adjustment of being alone, save the animals. You told yourself you'd move on to mourning and leave the grief behind and, mostly, you have but there are times still, the grief catches you unawares and you're poured out, empty, all over again.
Dave lives on, in Glory, with all those Saints and great cloud of witnesses gone before. God left you to carry on, to ponder, pray and discern His new will for your life. You've an inkling and are spending this first week of the New Year making a calendar, plans and goals for growth in this new direction. There are those who don't feel God speaks to us in this day and age; they are right. You're one who believes God does speak to
True friends have been so kind and acquaintances have been...well, they have been acquaintances. So many times they have approached you and asked intensely personal questions. Why they think they have the right to ask personal questions simply because you know each other is beyond my kin! Some of them haven't spoken to you in years, yet the need to know your personal business overcame any sense of propriety and ask they did. Perhaps, as you answered them, you were gracious but even if you weren't, you can still live with it; you did nothing wrong.
You learned you don't have to do something because someone else tells you that's what you need to do.
You learned to say, "No, that's not acceptable" and then describe what was acceptable.
You learned to go toe-to-toe with doctors, nurses, hospital administration and not back down; you learned patients and families have rights, true rights, and not just in word alone. You learned you didn't much care what someone thought of you as long as Dave's needs and comfort were met.
You learned to buy property; to negotiate and bargain.
You learned to buy and sell cattle but don't think you'll be doing that again! smile You've taken care of the animals, farm, house and learned to ask for help; you learned to listen and heed wise counsel.
You learned there are millions of people who aren't ready for death, either to someone they love or to themselves.
You learned you have something to give...the hard-won knowledge gained from Dave dieing so suddenly and without being prepared. That knowledge is being put to paper; "death comes to us or for us, it's best to be prepared."
You learned love transcends time, life goes on, friends love unconditionally, the prayers of those whom you'll never meet this side of the veil have held you up before His thrown of grace, mercy and love.
You learned the "righteous will never be forsaken nor His seed beg for bread".
The opportunity to travel afforded you new friends whom you hope to see again but, in the meantime, your prayers, one for another, hold all close.
Most importantly, you've learned...re-learned...God is able in all circumstances and situations
So, dearest Sandra, last year has gone, the new year still has nappies and you're dreaming new dreams, have new plans and goals and are forging ahead. Some things won't change - God first; self, family and friends second and all else trailing behind. As long as you keep your perspectives in the right order, it will all work out according to His plan and glory. Sandra, be gentle with yourself, show yourself love, honor and respect, claim His blessings and promises so you can fill to overflowing and, in turn, bless others.
God bless you, Sandra, and the work of your hands and heart; may the worst of 2013 be claimed from the best of 2012.
You are left in His most capable hands.
Today's Miracles - snow on the mountains ~ shining sun ~ Carly, giving nose kisses ~ fire in the wood stove ~ good weather for feeding livestock ~ peace ~