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I am Sandra - faithful steward. listener. shepherd. dream believer. hard worker. collects brass bells, boots. Jesus follower. contented. star gazer. homemaker. farmer. prayer warrior. country woman. reader. traveler. writer. homebody. living life large.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Quiet Insanity of 3 A.M.

~ 3 A.M. or 0'dark thirty ~
Someone once said if all the women in the world who were awake at 3 a.m. got together, they could rule the world. Do you think there's verity in that comment? I do but then I wonder, what if all those women weren't Christians, as we know they aren't? Then I'm reminded of a man I once dated who said, "I'd rather rule in hell than serve in heaven." We broke up shortly thereafter -smile-. Now that I'm on a memory trip, that same man would also quote Shakespeare's Polonius, "This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst then not be false to any man." Unfortunately, when he said them, they were just pretty words as his business dealings weren't, always, on the up and up. The good news is, when we broke up, the decks were cleared for Dave's, eventual, arrival.


Yesterday, Sunday, I went to church then shopping which I am loath to do on Sunday. I "justify" it by saying I'm saving resources...making more than one trip so I don't have to go off the farm today. Yeah. I know. I'm not kidding myself, just playing foolish mind games. Anyway, after coming home I got in the laundry that had been hanging on the line since Saturday, spray painted a small bamboo ottoman...yeah, yeah, more non-Sabbath keeping but, in general, had a lovely afternoon, mostly on the back porch. Oh, by the way, I'm also one of those women who won't wear pants to church; only skirts, blouses or dresses. I don't care if women wear pants to church, it's just that I care if I do...so I don't. Throughout the day, I worked on my weekly to-do list; it's the only hope I have of accomplishing anything. 
~ bamboo ottoman ~
Some years ago, I bought a Franklin Covey calendar system and have yet to figure out how to best utilize the dratted thing! So, I use a small notebook and struggle along. smile One wish I have is those Franklin Covey folks would recognize my complete and total inability to effectively use their calendar system and take me under wing. Yeah, and I want to win the lottery as well. wry smile Their tagline is "we enable greatness"; well, I'm already great because my Abba is the Creator of the Universe so I'd be happy if they would just enable me to effectively use their product...for which I paid Perfectly Good Money...and a lot of it, in my humble opinion! So, Mr. Franklin, or is it Mr. Covey, do you hear my plea for help?


The to-do list for today includes, but isn't limited to, making bread and shortbread, making some business telephone calls, paying bills, wrapping wedding gifts, re-potting some plants, going through my closet and Dave's closet to select clothes to give away and all this after doing my usual farm chores. Some of these things bring worry and, sometimes, it's a struggle to "cast my cares upon God because He cares for me." Sometimes, I find myself holding onto those cares, woes and worries and then I wonder, "WHY?" It's far easier, for me anyway, to cast those cares upon Him in the daylight hours; it's then I'm busy and can hustle those cares, woes and worries right to the sidelines. 


It's not so easy at 3 a.m. At 3 a.m. all the weight of the world can cause my neck to tense, my shoulders to ache, my back to bow and a blind panic takes over my mind. 
~ sometimes the Light is cloudy ~
What if, what if, WHAT IF?! I am not qualified to make business or financial decisions; I am not qualified to handle this farm; I am not qualified to tend to these animals; I am not qualified, I am not qualified, I AM NOT QUALIFIED! My mind reels with these thoughts, over and over and over and... until, long after the struggle begins, exhaustion sets in and my body concedes what my mind won't relinquish. In minutes, or so it seems, it's daybreak and time to begin my day, exhausted and muzzy headed from lack of sleep. 


Prayer helps as does reading Psalms. Both help me remove the wrong focus and see the right focus. It helps me put life, and eternity, into perspective. Truth be told? Some nights it's easier than others...but...BUT!


God is qualified; He is able. He is also strong, wise, tender, merciful, righteous, loving and filled with wisdom and grace toward me. He has plans for me; He wants me to succeed! He wants us to succeed! 


What's your worry? How do you handle it? How do you handle the quiet insanity of 3 a.m. when darkness threatens your eyes, your heart, your very soul? Pilgrim, say this out loud: the quiet insanity of any hour of any day pales in comparison to the God who created time.


The same Abba to whom I turn, is your Abba as well. He has plans for you; he wants you to succeed; He wants your focus upon Him. The next time you're awake at 3:00 a.m., think of me, then talk to your our Abba. Abba God never, never sleeps.


God is able, He is listening, trust Him.


Blessings ~ 3 a.m. ~ to-do lists ~ Psalms ~ prayer ~ plans ~ God's work in each of us ~

17 comments:

  1. Hello Sandra:
    Well, funny that you should mention it, but 3am is often a time when one or other or both of us is pottering around the apartment, listening to the buzz of electrical appliances whirring away and precious little else.

    Such a pity that our 3am is not your 3am for then there could be a pyjama party to end all parties, every day of the week!!

    As a complete aside, only one of us has any trousers at all....!!!

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  2. Satan LOVES to make us think that we are not good enough or qualified. But you so much ARE!!! You have been running the place for this long and are doing a great job. I am not familiar with this strange sounding calendar. Years ago, our pastor told us about being awake in the middle of the night. He uses that time to pray and meditate, to talk to God. That is what we do, too. It works doubly well because we are often so busy in the day.

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  3. We have so many thing in common...:o)
    -I usually wake up at 3 a.m....
    -I like wearing skirts in the church
    -I love reading Psalms! :o)

    So, next time, I awake at 3, I will think of you! ♥
    (Well, I think of you during the day, too..:o) and pray for you... )

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  4. Psalms, Isaiah, James... Me and 3 a.m. - yes, I do, too, when the weight of the world is all about me and I am in panic mode. Easier said than done sometimes this letting go of worry and giving it over to God. It's sinful not to, but I try and will keep trying....

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  5. There must be something special about those wee hours. We take turns getting up that early. Sometimes I go downstairs, drink tea, and read. Next time, I'll say a prayer for you.
    Every day, you do what is in front of you for that one day. You will continue to do so.
    You reminded me of that Covey calendar. Nope. Didn't work for me. I like the IDEA of calendars but I'd rather make lists in my daily journal.
    Thank you for the visit, Sandra!

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  6. "I'm also one of those women who won't wear pants to church; only skirts, blouses or dresses. I don't care if women wear pants to church, it's just that I care if I do...so I don't." Amen; me, too! (And I think I'm a few years younger than you.)

    The passages I cling to much of the time are James 1:2-6 (I remind myself to be JOYFUL about temptations and trials, and thank God for them) and 2 Thess. 3:13 (good for all those times that doing the right thing seems so hard; I take a deep breath and remind myself, "Be not weary in well doing").

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  7. "the quiet insanity of any hour of any day pales in comparison to the God who created time."

    Amen! Wisely stated...

    My inner alarm often chooses 3:30 or 4:30 am to rouse me...sometimes I pray if I wake with a particular person on my heart...sometimes I read the scriptures until I reach the passage that is waiting just for me for that day...and sometimes I plug in the earplugs and turn on my iPod...

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  8. Anonymous5:54 PM EDT

    Yes, I am often awake at 3 and am a Christian. Wish you lived closer and we could visit. I love reading you blog. Your strength and character lifts my spirits. Sometimes it seems that there are no decent people left in the word. You are proof that good still exists.

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  9. 2:38 am is when I wake up! Stay awake until about 4 thinking I must go back to sleep ~ the alarm goes off at 4:30am!
    I don't like to wear pants to church either!
    Looks like many of us are in the same boat! Let's make that a yacht!
    :~?
    Thought of you today as I have been mowing the 'yard'! Put 6 hours in so far and have another hour or so to go! I'm getting too old for this, I'm sooo tired, but I doubt I will be waking up at 2:38am! That's a good thing!

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  10. Call me I will be up. Thinking of you.

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  11. Amen from a sister 3 a.m.er. Gently and thoughtfully caring for ourselves - we are treasured daughters of the King

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  12. This 3 am thing happens to me too, and more often the older I get. And I am plagued by the accusation that I'm not qualified -- to raise my kids, to manage my house, and so on. And at 3 am the panic can set in. I can't pray away the panic directly, but I usually just pray for everyone that comes into my mind, so at least the time is not wasted. And eventually I get so worn out I'll fall back asleep. I'll add you to the people I pray for in the middle of the night :)

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  13. I have been awakened at 3am many times myself. That is the end of one "watch" and the beginning of another. I wonder if God calls us to prayer at that time.

    It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job keeping everything going. You and God.

    I pray you won't feel that yoke upon your neck.

    Love,
    Beth

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  14. You know, I still have a hard time doing laundry on a Sunday and ONLY if it's necessary. My hubby's brother and his wife were visiting recently and I told them if they needed to wash clothes, to please do so. WELL, wouldn't you know they ask on EASTER Sunday!!! I just couldn't. They were going to my sister-in-laws the next day and I told them they could wash there. Was that mean? I only recently started wearing pants to church and for the longest time refused to wear them when I played the "electric piano" at church. But now I need to wear them when I play because they moved the piano and I'm always fearful that at the angle they have the piano now a little peep show might occur. I think the Lord understands! Hope your day is okay!

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  15. Prudence12:44 PM EDT

    I am often awake at 3:00am struggling with all the "what-ifs" in my life. Am I making the right decisions, am I hearing YOU God, am I qualified???? Oh the list the enemy makes goes on and on and on. Let's think of each other and pray God's peace over our minds and spirits. I believe that we can take this "hour" away from satan and God can speak to us very clearly at this time if we will allow Him too. I will be thinking/praying for you Sandra when next I am "3:00am ing it". Hugs

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  16. Good plan sweetpea! And I had just one of those night the night before last. Had a headache so took an extra pill before I went to bed and they usually give me nightmares - and it did. The kind where you are yelling out but no one can hear you. Finally I woke up but then didn't want to go back to sleep because didn't want the nightmare to continue as they sometimes do. Kept debating just getting up and sitting in the chair for awhile but decided to just go back to sleep. Praying would have been a better choice!

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  17. Hi Jane and Lance - there's something about 3 am isn't there? something strange . I'm with you on the trousers; wear them, basically, for farm work; it's dresses, skirts and blouses the rest of the time. Jane, have you noticed people respond to your differently because you wear dresses? seems to be they treat me differently, especially men .

    Hi Ginny - you are so kind; thank you for your kind comment. The Franklin Covey system is a, complicated to me, system of keeping goals, agendas, calendar, etc. I only wish I knew how it worked; right now, it's an expensive book -wry smile-. Being awake is, as someone else said, ending of one watch, beginning of another...prayer is a good thing.

    and that's why, Timi, we're not only sisters in Christ but Friends! Next time I'm awake at 3 a.m, you and your family will be tucked into prayer.

    Hi Vickie - you're right, easier said than done but we keep trying!

    Hi Michelle - I think you're at the beginning of your fifth decade and I'm ending mine this year. I like James and ask for wisdom almost every day -smile-.

    Hi Karen - I'll pray for our military and begin calling out names; God knows who they are and their needs. God knows why He wants us awake; obedience is better than sacrifice.

    Hi Pom - God wakes us for a reason so until I figure out what the reason is, I'll pray or read or, sometimes, cry.

    Dear Anonymous - it's not my strength, it's Christs' strength; I have none of my own. Thank you for reading my blog; know you're always welcome here.

    Hi Lady Farmer - call me old fashioned, 'cause I am! I think I'm the only woman at church who has never worn pants to church. let's make it a cruise ship...I could use some TLC .

    remember me in prayer, Angela, and I'll return the kindness!

    yep, and the older we get, the more it happens...funny thing that -smile-. I think as long as we pray, we're doing the right thing, no matter if it's for us or someone else. just keep praying, Angela, just keep praying!

    Hi Beth - you're right, had forgotten about the watch aspect and I think, yes, God does call us to prayer. Like I told someone else, sometimes I'll just call out names in prayer; God knows and that's what matters. Yep, me and God or, rather, God and me -smile- love and prayers

    We're on the same page! As to the laundry on Easter, I'd have done the same thing...you made the right choices. Playing the piano and wearing slacks...understandable -smile-.

    Hi Prudence - it's been a learning experience, these last months. Frankly, I'd rather have stayed ignorant -smile-. You are going to be included in my 3 a.m. prayer, count on it!

    Oh Jill, hate those pills give you nightmares! I can take 2 aspirin and sleep for hours, it's a blessed gift. Rarely do I have terrible nightmares or dreams but when I do, I pray until the anxiety is finished. Or the fear, that's always worse.

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